i guess i can't understand, or maybe i never will. i'm frustrated because everyone is complaining about everything, but have they forgotten that all the angst are hopelessly selfish? it's usually followed by a period of high morale enthusiasm, the faster the peak; the sooner it reaches the plateau when everything falls apart. then things will go slow, and then the complains starts, repeating the cycle. i know it all takes time, but in the midst of all procrastination can't we just be a little more caring, or at least, give a thought for others who actually DO CARE.
why can't some people spread abit more love, converse with more intelligence and weigh the pros and cons before making harsh decisions? it isn't difficult, it just takes a few more seconds, being older than me, shouldn't you fear the malaise of regret more than me? secrets? my gut feeling tells me i know more than you think i do. why can't some people have a bit more initiative, try to remember little things that actually mattered in life? yes, i don't know if its in the gene but at least, try? when people give you advice, they don't just rattle a few lines they picked up from quotegarden dot com or whatsoever. it went through their mind, and realised, OH, i think you should consider these to maybe get some enlightenment or make that minor improvement that could make a significant change in your meagre mortal life. appreciate, please. every. single. word. they mean it. can you love yourself more? why can't some people be less rigid, less stubborn, have a better idea of quality of life? i'm not going to say yadada yeah its hard leopard never changes its spot those bullshit because you'll be pretty much screwed. when you don't like something, say ' AI DONNCH LIKE EEEET.' come on, it's not like i don't understand you after so long. whatever.
i'm tired. i've learnt to give away more when i was there because somebody told me it's so hard to understand me. because i'm a twentytwo, i have to be socially acceptable so i can only smile when its 400% bliss. nope i haven't grown up, very very proud to say that because i'm not one of those kids who claimed to be mature but you're a sad rotten nut inside. i pity you. no there's nothing wrong with me. no no no. i'm crossed, cos it's a fight between being yourself and how you present yourself because people do judge you. its as good as saying i don't want to be fickled but i am, i don't want to be ironic but i am. all the happilyeverafter stories were only there to numb.
have you ever stayed up late at night, lying down on the bed when it's complete silent and what scares you most is this anticipation of loud screaming or thud that never came? literally, really. nothing imaginary, i vouch. i've been wanting to tell the whole world.
sleepless and nightmare filled nights clouded me since the day i flew from down under. say i'm childish or what, it is all the minute little things that clung on. i wrote them down on a piece of paper, they say it helps keep your mind organised. now that the list is slowly reduced to 5, but it increases to 15 just the moment when light squeezes its way into my dustfilled sty. on sunday i invented a technique. i imagined myself holding onto a bunch of straws and slowly putting them down one by one, in the action of banana peeling. it worked! can they please let it work every night?
the relationship between age responsibility and power is starting to show pressure in my life. i didn't feel accomplished. i was flipping through that those chronological pocketfiles and that metals with lost shine- no i didn't feel accomplished. jack of all trades, many would say. so what if you were heavily invested so long ago, you are still going to be spending more precious years than those bursting sparks. if the break is going to be 65, then it isn't enough time for me to prove myself right. it's beginning to dawn on me that i might just disappoint again. i peeped at you, every now and then, especially when i saw your back. i don't want to see you hunch. and i'm terrified of the whites and the lines just above your gaze. verge of tears always came when you're looking at the those letters, monthly bloodsucking letters. i know she wants me to divert all my love to you, because she can't be here anymore. can u feel it?
i had a dream back then. she was wearing purple. i'm considering this the first time because the previous time when i saw her i was merely picturing her with my eyes closed and i lied. she's happy, but leaving for somewhere. i didn't have a chance to ask, because i was too busy spending every moment looking, savouring every piece of moment. its that euphoria i haven't had since 3 years ago. suddenly all the tranquility resumed and i felt happy. then she was rushing to go away, i remembered smiling as i welcomed the reality.
don't ask, for goodness' sake.
why can't some people spread abit more love, converse with more intelligence and weigh the pros and cons before making harsh decisions? it isn't difficult, it just takes a few more seconds, being older than me, shouldn't you fear the malaise of regret more than me? secrets? my gut feeling tells me i know more than you think i do. why can't some people have a bit more initiative, try to remember little things that actually mattered in life? yes, i don't know if its in the gene but at least, try? when people give you advice, they don't just rattle a few lines they picked up from quotegarden dot com or whatsoever. it went through their mind, and realised, OH, i think you should consider these to maybe get some enlightenment or make that minor improvement that could make a significant change in your meagre mortal life. appreciate, please. every. single. word. they mean it. can you love yourself more? why can't some people be less rigid, less stubborn, have a better idea of quality of life? i'm not going to say yadada yeah its hard leopard never changes its spot those bullshit because you'll be pretty much screwed. when you don't like something, say ' AI DONNCH LIKE EEEET.' come on, it's not like i don't understand you after so long. whatever.
i'm tired. i've learnt to give away more when i was there because somebody told me it's so hard to understand me. because i'm a twentytwo, i have to be socially acceptable so i can only smile when its 400% bliss. nope i haven't grown up, very very proud to say that because i'm not one of those kids who claimed to be mature but you're a sad rotten nut inside. i pity you. no there's nothing wrong with me. no no no. i'm crossed, cos it's a fight between being yourself and how you present yourself because people do judge you. its as good as saying i don't want to be fickled but i am, i don't want to be ironic but i am. all the happilyeverafter stories were only there to numb.
have you ever stayed up late at night, lying down on the bed when it's complete silent and what scares you most is this anticipation of loud screaming or thud that never came? literally, really. nothing imaginary, i vouch. i've been wanting to tell the whole world.
sleepless and nightmare filled nights clouded me since the day i flew from down under. say i'm childish or what, it is all the minute little things that clung on. i wrote them down on a piece of paper, they say it helps keep your mind organised. now that the list is slowly reduced to 5, but it increases to 15 just the moment when light squeezes its way into my dustfilled sty. on sunday i invented a technique. i imagined myself holding onto a bunch of straws and slowly putting them down one by one, in the action of banana peeling. it worked! can they please let it work every night?
the relationship between age responsibility and power is starting to show pressure in my life. i didn't feel accomplished. i was flipping through that those chronological pocketfiles and that metals with lost shine- no i didn't feel accomplished. jack of all trades, many would say. so what if you were heavily invested so long ago, you are still going to be spending more precious years than those bursting sparks. if the break is going to be 65, then it isn't enough time for me to prove myself right. it's beginning to dawn on me that i might just disappoint again. i peeped at you, every now and then, especially when i saw your back. i don't want to see you hunch. and i'm terrified of the whites and the lines just above your gaze. verge of tears always came when you're looking at the those letters, monthly bloodsucking letters. i know she wants me to divert all my love to you, because she can't be here anymore. can u feel it?
i had a dream back then. she was wearing purple. i'm considering this the first time because the previous time when i saw her i was merely picturing her with my eyes closed and i lied. she's happy, but leaving for somewhere. i didn't have a chance to ask, because i was too busy spending every moment looking, savouring every piece of moment. its that euphoria i haven't had since 3 years ago. suddenly all the tranquility resumed and i felt happy. then she was rushing to go away, i remembered smiling as i welcomed the reality.
don't ask, for goodness' sake.
